My husband often missed this question in me.

I just didn’t see the difference to before. Point. You could also say that I wasn’t attentive enough.

The good thing is: My husband does not remain silent in such cases. He spoke to me about it. And every time I reacted like this: “Really, I don’t see any difference.” “Hm, now that you say it.”

Over time and after he was in Kenya, he noticed that I pay more attention to other things.

When it comes to describing people to understand an event, we found that I don’t pay attention to hair color. My husband would say: “I mean the one with blond hair…” or “… the one with green eyes.” Then I’m even more confused and ask myself: Who pays attention to something like that?

We realized: I describe people by clothes or by what they have done or said. If the hair color is not bright pink or red, I don’t notice anything. I also have difficulties with eye colors. At that time, when I first applied for a passport, I didn’t understand why this feature belonged in the passport.

There are the details that we only become aware of over time.

Since my siblings also find it difficult to describe people based on hair and eye color, it could be because the Kenyans around us simply had black hair, or natural gray hair.

Describing someone by hair color would be pointless.

The hair was transformed into different types of braids, as can also be seen today during Euro 2024 with some players, e.g. Xavi Simons or Memphis Depay (I think the braids suit them excellently).

Today, thanks to social media, we learn faster from other cultures.

However, there are details that we only become aware of with honest dialogue. I’m glad that my husband talks openly with me about such things and that he wants to understand my side, why I don’t pay attention to hair or eye color, for example.

Since the pandemic, I’ve been cutting his hair myself – so now I know when he cut his hair. Even if I never see the need…:-) And yet the hair is getting measurably shorter. Every four weeks we have an exciting conversation.

Once again, this is a reason why I underline the tool hashtag#DialogeSuchen in my book “ICH, DU, WIR & VIELFALT” instead of assuming it.

And you: Do you always notice when the loved ones around you wear hair differently? What about people of other ethnicities or races?