Recently, a colleague told me about an application process that an acquaintance went through. My colleague was told as a “mediator”: “He doesn’t fit in with us.” This statement was made on the basis of a cover page with a photo.

My colleague wondered what exactly was meant by that. Do you know?

Today is September 1st. Many HR managers and decision-makers have recovered from vacation and now have the opportunity to sift through applications – applications from people who are hoping for feedback.

People who know that you will only hire one or two people as the person in charge and are curious to see how you justify rejections.

From my own experience – both personally affected and through the experiences of others – I have often heard this sentence “He doesn’t fit in with us” or “She doesn’t fit into the team”.

Let’s be more specific: What exactly doesn’t suit us?

And what is actually meant by “US”? Is it perhaps your own fears?

I often experience that diversity makes people feel insecure. The reasons for this can be manifold.

That’s why I’ve learned that the more specific we are in our statements, the better it is for everyone involved.

I appreciate feedback that I can relate to. For example: “We lacked this or that competence.” Some also openly told me that it was because of my nationality. I can’t change that, but at least it’s concrete. I am aware that they are not “allowed” to do that, but it also doesn’t help to invent something else if that is the real reason. So I know where I stand right from the start.

However, “you don’t fit in with us” – and that’s only because of the application picture – leaves a lot open.

The result: If the person concerned perhaps belongs to a minority, he or she will suspect discrimination. And the vicious circle begins.

Many people I know tell me: “I don’t have a chance anyway. They only see my photo and think I don’t fit.”

My appeal today – because I know how much such words can hurt people, belittle them and take away their voice: Be specific in your feedback. The more specific and clear, the better.
I am sure that everyone can live with a “no” and grow from it. However, we decide whether our rejections belittle or empower people.

Have you ever received a rejection that helped you, even if it hurt at first?

I do. In such cases, people were concrete, even if it hurt at first. There was little room for speculation.

I have also learned to ask questions when something is unclear and it seems important to me.

So, the next time you get a rejection like this, ask:

“What exactly doesn’t fit?”

You’ll be amazed at how much value you can set in motion with this simple question.