“IT ALWAYS GOES BY ITSELF”
January 10, 2023“WHY ARE YOU IN SUCH A DISGUSTINGLY GOOD MOOD?”
January 29, 2023I remember the period when this country seemed bleak, dismissive and heartless.
It wasn’t just about me, such as the experience of unexpected challenges and the rejections that I see as unjustified…
It was also about me looking at faces and empathizing with older people.
During my studies, I also cared for older people in their cozy homes.
Most of them seemed very lonely to me and I perceived two extreme examples:
🔸️The extremely friendly and very, very curious people who radiated their inner love and warmth to the outside world despite loneliness.
I will not forget one remark: one day my 95-year-old client touched my leg and remarked: “What fine stockings you wear.”
He was amazed when I told him that this was my skin and not stockings. The kind gentleman has been dead for a long time, but he gave me new confidence.
🔸️The extremely embittered elderly people with a very dismissive attitude. As a neighbor “unbeatable”. When you meet them with love, they also become soft in the heart; also a wonderful realization.
I used to think it was because of the loneliness they experience here.
Of course, I also secretly “condemned” their daughters and sons at that time; how can they neglect their parents?
I compared it directly to the place where I grew up. I was naïve. Very naïve.
I did not consider the context. I perceived only one situation and immediately condemned.
Now I understand a lot better.
Back to my promise: “I don’t want to grow old here.”
I noticed how this seemingly simple sentence inhibited me, because I had:
🔸️hardly truly recognized opportunities that this country and the people in this country (from all over the world) bring with them,
🔸️set my focus on the negative
🔸️always compared directly with Kenya, which did not bring much
Fortunately, some things happened, both painful and gratifying, which changed my mind.
Luckily, I learned to stand by my story and admit to myself that sometimes I inhibit myself.
Luckily, I met wonderful people here who gave hope to “non-locals” with little things.
Luckily, I learned to remember how I want to be old. With the technological developments, I will certainly not die alone. 🙂
Luckily, I learned that I was just scratching the surface. I am allowed to go deep – to search deep within myself and to have deeper conversations to find the gems.
And yes, I’m getting old here, but not bitter. 🙂 You?