Or

“She goes cooking”

In Luo: “Odhi tedo”

This is how a woman in Luo is described who moves out because she is married.

As a rule, it is the case with the traditional Luos that when a woman marries, she goes to her husband. She runs the household and cooks. She takes care of her husband’s family and children.

Women and girls, when I was growing up, were also “evaluated” that way. “She’s a great cook” or, “oh that one, she can’t even cook.”

I suppressed the fact that the roles were (are) distributed in this way.

When we were in Kenya in August, we talked about it. My dear friend Verena Witte was traveling with us and visiting my family away from the tourist regions.

As always, other questions arise. My husband, my girlfriend and I talked about the roles in society, both among the Luos and in Germany.

All of a sudden, it dawned on me that we use our language to define the fate of women. They go to cook. That is their destiny. In the story, I was shocked and amused at the same time. Amused, because it has no meaning for many strong Kenyan women.

About three days later, I was talking to my nephew about the roles of women and men at home. Provocatively, I suggested that he cook at home as well.

His response: “Oh. Don’t you think my wife will see me as a competitor? This is their place”

My nephew just couldn’t imagine that it could be any other way.

My niece, on the other hand, saw it differently. “Not with me,” she often said in conversation. She told me that she had already decided this as a girl, when she realized that her mother had no voice in the presence of her father.

When I answer curious questions from my family that my husband also cooks, washes, etc. at home, most of them find it strange and admirable at the same time.

So good, in fact, that the language doesn’t stop us from simply doing it differently.

So good, in fact, that we don’t wait for the language to change to make progress. It makes a lot of things easier and I am grateful for all those who are committed to diversity in language.

(Book tip at this point: “ALLE(S) GENDER” by Sigi Lieb )

Personal responsibility also comes into play here. I probably won’t see the Luos see the need to change this language. And yet my niece gives me confidence.

And I realize:

We are increasingly allowed to question the way of thinking we grew up.

And one more thing:

If young people in particular do not yet respect our values here, it is worthwhile to first understand how deep the education or the like is.

Let’s take the positive with us and spread it, talk about the hindering and put it down.

What is your experience with role distribution from your own or other cultures?